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Hello there! I have been so slack with my blog lately, so much so that I have kind of got stuck in the mood and mind set I was before blogging. I have a lot going on in my life right now, a lot of people around me are making life in general very difficult for me and I am really trying to fight off slipping back to the worst version of myself. I won't let the behaviour of others ruin my blog for me, and my journey to where I am now. I am so lucky to have been given the opportunities and success I have made in just over half a year and I know I should never take that for granted, it keeps me going. 

Today's post is all about things I wish I knew then, about now. It's a very personal post so brace yourself for some brutal honesty. Don't we all wish we could have saved ourselves some heartache and given ourselves some financial advice when  maxing out every store card we had at 18. I have this conversation with my friends very often and there's always one of us passionately declaring how much we wish we knew. The unknown is the spice of life and I wouldn't change any of my experiences or my mistakes for anything because it completely makes me the person I am now. Here are a few reflections from my own life that you may be able to relate to.

Money Doesn't Grow On Trees...
This is the ONE thing I actually do regret, being reckless with money. I have made a severely deep hole in my finances in the process of 18-21. I am THE worst person with money you will ever meet and that is no exaggeration. I have over the space of 7 years spent 10's of thousands of pounds on nights out. I have spent 10's of thousands of pounds on clothes I wore once and then lost at a friends house after a heavy weekend. I have been known in my late teens to take out loans to fund wild nights out, make up & endless amounts of clothes! Yes of course, I can't deny I had so much fun, but I am seriously paying for it now and there's nothing more stressful than debt. I would 1000% recommend to my 18 year old self and to any 18 year old, don't spend beyond your means. SPOILER ALERT it will not end well, and you will be in unnecessary debt for the unforeseeable future. If you want to build your credit rating, by all means get a low interest credit card and make a few small purchases. Don't be an 18 year old Rebekka and buy everything you can to max it out, it's not clever and debt doesn't disappear.

People Change...
This is something I still find difficult and I think as a very emotional person, I always will. People change and sometimes it's a good change and other times it's not. I really love my friends and family more than anything and people that know me, know I am a full on friend or family member. I really value the friendships I make and I really value every moment I spend with the people that I love. Trust is so important to me, and if someone breaks that trust it effects me completely. It's human nature to make mistakes and I have made enough to know that, I have been a bad friend, but this isn't what I mean by people changing. I have lost and given up on so many people who have changed in a way that doesn't make us compatible anymore and there's nothing worse than having to give up on people you love, a huge part of life is about letting go whether that's letting go of an emotion or letting go of a person, it has to happen for you to grow. Accepting change is another thing you have to learn to do, whether you like it or not, life is not the same for the whole ride.

Education Is SO Important...
I wish I paid more attention at school and stayed in education, how cliche is that? But it's so true. I was so naughty in school and I didn't care about my education and I didn't care who knew it. I wish I had gone to University, what a wonderful opportunity to explore, meet new people and gain some serious knowledge on something I love. I wanted to be a journalist, I still do, but I never gave myself the opportunity, I chose smoking behind the bike sheds and fitting in with the crowd. I wish I knew I would NEVER fit in the crowd, I just completely stick out like a sore thumb, always have, always will. I wish I thought more of myself to give myself the opportunities I have missed out on. Of course there is always time and opportunity for all ages in education and maybe I will consider that an option.

People Will Talk No Matter What You Do...
I always used to worry about people not liking me and the people who would talk sh*t about me. I would constantly try to justify my actions and try to make those people like me. Trying to change people's opinions of me was a huge focus for me in my wild late teens. I was up to no good most of the time and living in a small town like this, people knew it. It's so hard even now that people still talk about the person I was back then and the trouble I got myself into. I am not that person and now I realise how much those people's opinions don't matter. The people who talk about me now are the people who blend into the crowd, people who hear more about me than they've actually spoken to me. I think some people just don't know how to take my sense of humour or my strong personality and that's okay. I don't need everyone to know me, or accept me. I no longer wish people understood me and who I am and I wish I knew all those years ago in high school that it was okay to be me.

Your Heart Will Heal & You Will Find Happiness..
I truly believe you only get your heart broken properly once. I have had 3 people in my entire life that have been everything to me in their own times and one of those three is my soulmate and the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with. The other two were disasters, there is possibly no greater feeling nor no worse feeling than having a complicated relationship with someone you adore. The first one was when I was 17, tore my heart out, literally it may have been worse pain than labour, but my god did he teach me some lessons about people and about relationships. I don't regret the time we had together, but the fall out was unreal, it's painful to even think about it now, but I can't thank him enough for showing his true colours and eventually my heart healed just in time for number two. Number two, another one who always thought he could do better. He made me laugh just as easy as he made me cry, playing up for everybody else and even to this day never really showing his true colours, unlike the first. Eventually I grew tired of our fighting, my jealousy and our only real communication coming out through alcohol fuelled night outs and I moved 500 miles away. Best thing I did, because I found someone that had been around for so long, right in front of me. Justin is the one and at 20, with little knowledge of how good a relationship can be, I moved up to Newcastle and 3 house moves and 1 baby later things couldn't get better between us. I wish I knew how compatible we were when I first met him when I was 16, it would've saved me sifting through a few wrong ones, that's for sure. But it was the right time, place, everything for us and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Love & Family Is Everything...
My daughter Harper is the definition of everything that I am, I have someone in my life to influence, to educate and to love unconditionally for the whole of my life. I wish I knew that one day I would get to create and meet the most perfect existence I could ever imagine.
I wish I knew how important it is to have love in your life and give back love to the people who love you. It takes minimal effort to make the people in your life happy. Life is so short and yes of course while there's no cure for resting bitch face, there's no reason to have the attitude to match, ESPECIALLY with the ones who love and care for you most. Treasure every single memory and moment you have with the people whom you may take for granted. I know I wish I knew how fragile life is, something I have very recently realised after losing Justin's dad just over a month ago. I see how much Justin wishes he had more time and made more effort. I know how much I wish he had an extra half an hour with Harper or if he could've made it to see Christmas.
Life is a one time deal, you don't get a second chance, make every moment count.

I hope you enjoyed this post, I didn't intend to go into too much detail, but I think I just wanted to express how much I have learnt over the years with the most important things to me. Some of it was quite soppy and deep, but I don't care. I think I am going through a phase of over sharing haha, some people will love it, some will hate it. 
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1 comment

  1. These are some good life lessons, I wish I could tell my slightly younger self to worry less about what people think of me, and hopefully stop crippling anxiety from stopping me from doing the things I wanted to do!